Tips for Jedi-Level Pet Owners (part two)

Because my duty to you, dear reader, is so close to my heart, even the simplest, most obvious premises are subjected to meticulous attention and research. In our previous piece, you were advised that “your pet is NOT a human.” Sifting through the internet for interesting perspectives on this assertion brought some pretty passionate viewpoints (read: keyboard warriors) to the forefront. In hopes of sidestepping all the commotion, I’d like to elaborate a bit on this concept and offer some additional examples.

Unlike a human being, your pet lives almost exclusively in the moment. There’s no doubt that she can remember past events, but the nature of the connection between “now” and “then” is murky, which is why correction of any undesirable behavior must be enacted within two seconds or less. It’s also the reason that “revenge” and “spite”, extravagantly overdiagnosed by novice pet owners, are virtually never at the root of behavior issues. Your pet is best equipped to link two events only if they occur nearly on top of one another. How can she be accused of contriving a payback scheme that takes any longer than two seconds to execute? As for the future, there’s no indication that pets have any concept of it. One thing we envy is the fact that they do not fear the end of their own existence, like we do.

Your dog does not use human body language, so you could miss some of her more subtle cues. Never forget that pets don’t demonstrate pain by crying or complaining; don’t allow her to suffer because you were looking for the wrong signals. Yawning at the vet’s office, often misinterpreted, reflects anxiety, not boredom. Deliberately turning her head away during your lecture is neither defiance nor shame but simply a signal that you are the boss. Perhaps we’d like to read it as guilt, a nascent desire to change her naughty ways, but the connection between the shredded pillow and the yelling is just not very clear for her. It’s...murky.

Your pet does not have hangups like a human being. Cats and dogs do not experience shame over their physical appearance or hesitate to publicly flaunt what a human would call “private areas”. An astonishing number of people believe that mating could never occur between two animals that share genetic material, a misconception which has brought about many unwanted pet pregnancies. Animals are not subject to the numerous unspoken boundaries of humans.

Having previously addressed impulse control, spoken communication, and the concept of consent, we’ve now explored body language, taboos, and pets’ perception of the passage of time. I hope you can fully agree that your pet is NOT a human. Remember, this was not a discussion of whether dogs can experience love or loyalty or grief. It’s not a reflection on whether domesticated animals are possessions or companions. It’s not a debate over whether they should be able to accompany you into a grocery store. It’s merely a way to enrich your relationship with your own pet by developing a genuine understanding of how her mind works.

Dr M.S. Regan